I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
