sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
