all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
