6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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