I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
