sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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