last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
