Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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