HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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