Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
id be glad to
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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