Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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