Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize