I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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