ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
