You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
