I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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