What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
