You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
