She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
