I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
