She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
