life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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