it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
