he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
