They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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