I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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