we have pet lesbian snakes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize