His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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