you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
