So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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