Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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