Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
