Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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