mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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