You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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