This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
