sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
