It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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