Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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