dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize