those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
