I wish I could teleport
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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