I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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