I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize