it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize