Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
