Yo dont text me then not text me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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