Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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