i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
