I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
