I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
