There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
