i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
