I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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