I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
