It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
