I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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