roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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