he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
