I have demons in me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
