I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
