I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
