It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
