If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
