On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
