woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
