I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
