Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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