don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
