Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm both gender and math confused
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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