You can't special order awesome
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize