I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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