she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
