i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You were trust falling into bushes
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
