You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
