An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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