I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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