You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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