i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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