put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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