that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Boobs speak an international language.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
