he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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