Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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