spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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