My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
