then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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