We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
