I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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