So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
