Where did you get a picture of my penis
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize