my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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