First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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