He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
