My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
