i barfeds in our rink
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
