dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
