How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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