**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Green mimosas i think yes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
